a little bit of sugar

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.8

The stagnant air outside was as warm as the middle of the day, but I felt a million degrees cooler since leaving the kitchen. I was about to make some crack about interrogations or hot seats, when Jo spun around.

“So that’s how its gonna be? Terry’s our beard, both of us, whether she wants it or not?” He paced away and came back, hands up. “I’m the one with super close minded parents! They’ll never be OK with me dating a guy. I’ve got more reason to lie than you do, but are you really gone ask her to sign on for this?”

“Does this mean we’re dating?” I asked, choking up before I realized how much the answer mattered. Stepping up behind me, Terry wrapped me in her arms, overlapping them and rocking me the same way she did onstage with Juliet.

“Matt. Yes.” He reached his arms around both of us. “That’s what I want. Sorry I yelled.” Second best embrace of the day. Forever later, I pulled away.

“Terry, you get to vote on this. Its not too late to tell Gabi the truth. Just her, or everyone, you choose.” I quaked inside at the thought of telling my aunt something I hadn’t admitted out loud to anyone. 

As of this morning I thought only my right hand would ever know I was gay.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.10

By April Jo was well enough to participate in Track and Field, and he never graced the stage again. Between that and being grounded for the rest of the school year, we rarely had alone time. I didn’t see it at the time, but that was when we became the closest.  

Turns out his sister, Ana Vitoria, had an abortion over Spring Break. She’d been going to DeAnza Community College, and got knocked up by one of the pool cleaner guys. Jo was on lockdown too, under the transitive property of sibling misbehavior. They wanted to make sure he didn’t have a chance to get some girl pregnant.

Spring term was always a musical, and Terry and I both rocked our auditions for An American in Paris. We played leads opposite each other for the first time, and working on our craft together was unbelievably rewarding.

Any last shred of my heterosexuality was decimated by that play. I loved this young woman like no other on the planet, but no amount of dancing, kissing, or musical numbers got me any closer to her pants. Her breasts were the proverbial ripe plums, pressing up against me in the surreal dream dance number. Her thighs were firm, her bottom round, and I felt both on my lap every time we canoodled on the banks of the Siene. I’d have entered a burning building to save her, but couldn’t have given her any babies.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.9

Terry agreed to the deception, probably relished all the acting opportunities. We held hands at school, turned down invites for double dates, and even went to Homecoming.

We were still the Three Saints, and although the grownups seemed to take our charade at face value, our classmates were forever fueling their personal soap operas. There were two pregnancies in our class. That we heard about. Nobody from Drama or Debate, but we knew the girls. One kept the baby, and the other moved away. It had a chilling effect on everyone’s plans for Christmas break, until Francesca Soli announced she’d got on birth control. 

Suddenly all the girls had cramps, and prescriptions were filled. Terry took great pride in declaring she was all about condoms, which somehow seemed even more trangressive than the Pill. Maybe because the swimmers never had a fighting chance.

My reputation as a stud only increased after Francesca caught sight of my raging boner in Drama. In the Winter production, Much Ado About Nothing, Jo was Claudio and Terry was Beatrice. The final two shows conflicted with Debate regionals, so I volunteered making sets, but didn’t take Drama as an elective that term. 

I made a point of attending rehearsals whenever possible, and just that once got seriously turned on watching Jo make out with Regina Vignetti as Hero. He’d sent a sly glance my way right before they’d started reading their lines. Every time he touched her it shot straight to my groin. Even more intense was each movement to grab her while practicing the dance scene. His fingers digging into her arms or squeezing her waist to lift and spin her sent me right back to our last make out session.

Francesca never let on to me that she’d seen my tent pitched, but she spread it around that I was cheating on Terry, since she wasn’t onstage at the time. We did our best not to feed the gossip one way or another, but that’s when I first saw what our dishonesty cost Terry.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.7

“Aunt Gabi, I’m sorry,” I grabbed Terry’s hand and squeezed it down to the table. “You’re right, we should be informed.”

Terry was locked onto Jo, and Gabi caught the intensity behind the stare. “I’m so sorry, did you not tell Jorge you two were dating? You are all so close, I just assumed.”

“No Gabi,” Terry reached for Jo with her other hand, not quite touching it. “This romance is new, and we hadn’t said anything to each other yet. I’m glad its in the open though.” She smiled at the top of Jo’s head, then turned back to my meddling aunt.

“OK,” Gabi gulped, “here goes: these are flavored condoms. I know it can seem unnecessary to use condoms for oral, but Chlamydia and Gonorrhea are rampant in colleges right now, and in many high schools too. Don’t even get me started on herpes.” She flushed brightly and kept going, “The pineapple and strawberry ones aren’t bad, trust me.”

Terry hiccuped and shot me a pleading look; I squeezed her hand, then relaxed a bit. 

“Now look, there’s been this thing going around religious schools about virginity being so important, but then girls are having anal sex to they can keep their chastity. Personally, I think that’s bullshit, because if two people are getting naked and touching each other’s genitals, that’s sex. I think bow jobs are sex too, but I’m mostly alone with that opinion.”

Was that sweat beading up on Jo’s forehead?

“Look, there’s nothing wrong with anal sex, if you’ve prepared for it. It can be really fun. We see what happens when kids don’t even use lube, think spit is enough for Christ’s sake. Believe me, you can share every STD in the book that way. That whole area will get torn and-” She stopped at what I can only imagine was a horrified look on Terry’s face. I was looking at Jo during that particular turn of phrase.

“Sorry honey,” she patted Terry, “but you guys are all in Catholic school, and I get feisty trying to dispel the urban legends that never go away. Well, should have started with the basics. There are lots of ways to be intimate with each other, and the very safest sex involves no penetration at all. You can masturbate each other, or rub against each other externally.”

This lecture was going from embarrassing to mortifying. Jo had his eyes locked onto his book, staring about a mile past the words on the paper. Terry had her eyes closed at this point, but Aunt Gabi kept right along.

“If you do decide to have intercourse, use a lubricated condom,” she practically flourished the second box, “but have some extra lube around just in case.” She reached into the bag and brought out a banana.

“Aunt Gabi!” I shot up and away from the table, shocking Oscar to a growl as the chair scraped on the floor. “We’ve been taught how to put on a condom. Our school isn’t in the Dark Ages, you know. They say it IS officially against Church doctrine, but disease and unwanted pregnancies are worse. We’ll be safe, I promise.”

“Do you have to tell our parents about this?” I was banking on her desire to keep Cool Aunt cred with me. Her smile was my second favorite thing about that day. “Thanks, Gabi, you’re the best.”

“Can we step outside for bit, please?” Only someone who knew Jo could tell; he was very close to losing it.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.6

We’d been studying around the kitchen table for only a half an hour or so when I heard the garage door open.

“Huh, guess Aunt Gabi’s here early.” I checked the clock; it was only 4:30. She walked into the kitchen with a grocery bag, a firm expression, and a fat Springer Spaniel.

“Hi Aunt Gabi, you’ve met my friends Theresa and Jorge before; guys, this is Oscar.” My friends leaned down to shake Oscar’s paw, which was how he tricked people into liking him. He really was a shitty dog. For all the doggy university he attended, he wouldn’t fetch, sit, or stay on command. Except for Aunt Gabi. For her, he was a model citizen.

Her expression darkened, if anything, and she set the bag down in front me. “I’m glad you’re all here. I have something important to say, and you should sit down. I think it is important for Jorge to hear this too. ” She nodded for him to sit.

He took the chair on the side of the table next to me, and stared at the books in front of him, so I saw him in profile. Gabi stared me down directly across the table, and smiled briefly at Terry on my other side. The smile never really reached her eyes, and Terry darted a questioning expression my way. I shrugged as subtly as possible, and turned to face the music.

“Matthew, do you remember how I promised your parents that I’d install the modem while they were away?” She didn’t really pause to wait for his answer. “Well, It was slow at the shop this afternoon. I was around the side of the house, you know, by the phone meter? Anyways, your bedroom window was open, and I wasn’t trying to spy or anything. But. I heard what I heard, and since I’m your guardian this week it falls to me to say this.”

If the bowling ball in my stomach was any bigger, I’d have fallen right through the floor. Terry’s eyebrows migrated higher, and her head tilted to the side, like Oscar when he lost his ball. Jo’s jaw tightened briefly, but his hands stayed relaxed on the table.

Gabi reached into the bag and pulled out two boxes of condoms, and Oh God, some lube. She took a quick gulp of air before leaning in and continuing in a clear, quick voice. She must use this tone with Oscar. For just a second I had this insane thought that the gulp of air she took was expanding insider her stomach, and soon she was going to let out a room-clearing belch. Really, it was my own gut reaching its limit. Stifling a crazy laugh urge, I returned to reality and started to process her words.

Laying a hand gently on Terry’s shoulder, she began, “I’ve been volunteering at Planned Parenthood for years, and I know no one wants to talk about the real issues with teens and sex, but the last thing I want is some unwanted baby or STD. Look, I think it is unrealistic to keep you guys from having sex-“

“No! Aunt Gabi, there’s no problem. We haven’t-“

“Sweetie come on! Don’t bullshit me, OK? I know what I heard, and it was very heavy petting. At least second base.” She blushed a little at this point, and lifted one of the boxes of condoms.

Terry swept her gaze over to me, then Jo, then me again, and in a horrifying slow motion moment, began to open her mouth and point at Jo.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.5

The softness, with some salt and lemony aftertaste, was almost enough to send me over the edge. No other parts of our bodies touched, just lips on lips, over and over. I backed away to get a blurry view of his chin and cheeks, but the gravity of his lips won over any desire for visual input. The David statue was in my head anyway.

“Can I see your?..” I faltered, a fucking frog in my throat right as I’m getting everything my masturbatory fantasies could conceive. “Will you take off your shirt? I really want to see- Oh God.”

His chest was amazing. The shoulder injury had not slowed him down. Once the sling was off, he’d hit the gym again, and it filled my field of vision. Pecs, delts, biceps, abs. Holy Shit. I didn’t know a pulse could beat that strong at someone’s neck, so I kissed it. My lips made a wet, popping noise when I lifted off his neck, and he sighed.

“Your nipples are so hard. Can I taste them?” My voice was steady now, with just a hint of seduction. I knew the answer, but wanted to ask again for every body part. They tasted even better than his lips. Maybe not. Better go back to compare. Want to know for sure. “Oh. God.”

He laced fingers through my hair and captured my head, turning it as his tongue opened my mouth. His breath sucked my cheeks, then my lips. There was this fleeting memory of touching the tip of my tongue to Sheila Koresky’s in third grade, and it fused with the sudden realization that, despite her proclamation at the time, that had not actually been French Kissing.

My balls tightened and quivered as I came to the conclusion that if I lost it, and filled my pants with a hot load, the embarrassment would be worth the amazing moment I was having. I was saved from that fate by the ringing of the doorbell.

“Terry’s here,” I panted, and reluctantly took my hand off Jo’s belt buckle. He raised his head, only to rest his forehead on my shoulder, and took a few shuddering breaths.

“OK. I want more of this. Soon.” His eyes were glassy, and seemed as big as a stoner’s. It was subtle, but his lips were more plump and puffy than usual. I caught one last, delicious view of his abs as my clean shirt went over his head. I flew down the hall and opened the door just before she rang the bell again.

“Hi Mattie!” she squealed, dropping her hand from the bell and pinching my ear instead. “Are you as excited about costume fittings as me?” She danced into the kitchen, spinning as she dumped her book bag onto the table. “I’m totally reconsidering my Halloween concept, of course! Now I want to check out that rental place on Montgomery in Santa Clara… You OK?”

“Yes, just really hot, I’m gonna open a few windows.” We both turned as the toilet in the hall bathroom flushed. Jo came out, cool and collected. Fucker was a great actor.

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.4

At that point I was sure I could hear cars on the freeway three blocks away. Eventually, I heard my heart beat swirling in my ears. “There’s a postcard, next to the computer.”

He picked it up, and smiled slowly. “When did you visit Florence?”

I cleared my throat, “Uh, never. My parents went on this big Italy trip before the twins were born and sent me postcards.”

Jo smiled even bigger, “But you only kept the David, right?”

“Yeah.”

He set it down exactly where it had been, propped on the pencil cup, facing my bed. 

“You look like him, Jo. Not as big a nose, but-” Could my ears get any redder? I certainly wasn’t going to tell him about the yearbook under my mattress, dog-eared to the page of him from last year’s state track finals. I knew for sure that he looked very much like Michelangelo’s idealized boy. Jo’s lips were fuller though, as if that was possible.

“Thanks,” he looked down quickly, “that’s very flattering.”

“You ONLY have posters of guys in your room. Athletes and super heros, but still… Does your family know?” I was finally getting a clue.

“Nah. Maybe my sister, but we haven’t talked about it. With all these lovely ladies on your wall, I’m guessing you’re not … Out.”

“Definitely not,” I shrugged, “but it wouldn’t be the end of the world, I guess. I’m already a Debate Club Drama Geek, so one more level of social isolation won’t be devastating.” 

“No, Matt, look. I’m totally not ready for anything like that. My family is traditional Catholic, not all ‘liberal and social justice’ like yours.” He ran a noticeably shaky hand through his hair, and finally looked up. “I just couldn’t keep guessing. We’ve got this awesome friendship going this year, but I’m really into you. And…”

“Can I kiss you?” I blurted it out before I realized how embarrassing it sounded. The childish hitch in my voice hung in the air for an eternity. Until he leaned in. 

Reserve Price - Chapter 1.3

At home, second whiskey in hand, I let myself remember. That semester was the first time I’d had really close friends. It seemed pretty organic at the time, but maybe it happened that way because we had the least dramatic personalities. Theresa, Jorge, and Matthew: Mrs. Melvin’s three saints. For some reason, maybe the same reason, we became de facto leaders of the Drama clique. Another first.

Every few weeks someone had a meltdown, blew up, or freaked out, and the three of us were these islands of stability in the storm of all the artistic expression. It wasn’t like we were even the leads, being a stereotype about projecting authority onto the group. Well, Paris had lots of flashy fighting and an awesome death scene,  so Jo was a rock star with that. But I was the priest, and Terry was the nurse. In this play the lead characters were fourteen, so maybe that made a difference. 

Terry understudied Juliet, and I understudied Romeo, so we all spent extra time reading lines that first month. The four performances were just before the Thanksgiving break. When we had four weeks left, everyone else was freaking out, but we knew the entire play cold. We quizzed each other on blocking, had lightning rounds of call and response dialogue. But really, at that point, we just had this rhythm of hanging out every day. Then it changed.

It was a really warm, still afternoon. “Earthquake weather” or Indian Summer, had struck during the middle of the week. Terry had stayed an extra hour to tutor some freshman who was in Trig. We always went to her place or Jo’s, both really close to campus. My parents and the twins were out of town for the week. Some work conference in San Diego. Couldn’t convince them to take me out of school to go with them. No nasty diapers or midnight crying opera at least. My aunt Gabi stayed  at night, and that was cool. She was usually tired after she was done at work.

After a vigorous rehearsal, then walking a mile and a half, we were both hot and thirsty. It was no big deal, sweaty clothes, but Jo brought it up like it needed correcting. Of course, I had no clean shirts in my room. I went to the basement to find some in the dryer. When I returned, Jo was still clothed, resting one hip on the bureau.

“Matt, you have so many bimbo posters in your room.” Jo said it softly, with a hint of wonder. “That’s what my sister calls them, like Baywatch and Tomb Raider there.”

“So?” I was pretty sure that sounded neutral, but noticed the struggle to keep out defensiveness. “I mean you have Michael Jordan, James Dean, all that Doom shit at your place.” Yup, that sounded lame, even as it was coming out of my mouth. Cindy Crawford grinned down at me from the wall behind him.

“Thought it would be different in here, that’s all.” He pointed to the Hubble telescope shots, and the Death Star model. “More like those.”

This was not going how I wanted at all. My ears went red, and I wasn’t sure why. “More science geek? Thanks, Dude. You have that original Star Wars poster.”

“Not just that, Matt. I mean, there’s only girls.” He sighed a bit, or maybe it was a snort.

I pointed, “Yeah, but over there-“

“Einstein doesn’t count.” Jo looked at me, and was very still. “Know what I mean?”